And so I begin this new blog as a starting point in a new journey. You see for quite some time I have been on the fence, not really in my faith...I have always believed and will continue but on the fence in what God has been calling me to do. I like to think that it is kind of like when I was little and my Dad wanted me to do this trust fall activity with him when he was preaching to the church. I knew that I could do it, I knew that he would catch me, but I didn't want to stand up in front of everyone to have to do it. Because then if I messed up everyone would see. It is kind of like that with the call God places on your life. I know that He has called me to live differently, but when my life gets put out there, then everyone sees when I mess up. Let me tell you I mess up a lot. But I realized through the past couple of weeks that messing up is okay, as long as you learn from it and move forward. Don't hinder on the parts that make you feel weak or insecure, but instead take a step forward and say...yes I know that I have messed up, but I am still God's and I am still going to follow, no matter what!
I started this school year with a dreading realization that this is yet another year spent away from family and friends that have come to mean so much to me in the states. I so just wanted God to say, "Okay, you have paid your dues, you may go back now." But you know what? Well he isn't saying that, in fact I feel that He is pushing me in quite the opposite direction. Instead of saying, get ready to move, He is saying get ready to be planted. Not planted for forever, but planted for awhile. How do I feel about that? I am not really sure that I can even feel anything but thankful, because if anything the Lord has been faithful to me through it all. I don't deserve an amazing job that I love, with students that are so willing to do whatever I ask. I don't deserve to be able to talk about Jesus on a daily basis, and it be a part of the mission statement. I don't deserve to be able to eat for $1.00 from a street vendor and not get sick. I don't deserve to bask on the beach in luxury for weeks at a time, but that is where He has me. So, I look forward and press on. Not because I want to live for myself, but because despite the hardships and aches, He is calling me to live for Him.
